


Grown-Up Fantasies

by PierceTheVeils



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Thrawn Series - Timothy Zahn (2017)
Genre: First Kiss, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Loss of Virginity, Lots of Firsts, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Sexual Repression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:01:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26647915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PierceTheVeils/pseuds/PierceTheVeils
Summary: It was no secret that Eli knew a lot about Chiss mythology from his home planet. What he never told anyone is why.
Relationships: Thrawn | Mitth'raw'nuruodo/Eli Vanto
Comments: 9
Kudos: 76





	Grown-Up Fantasies

When Eli Vanto was ten years old, it had been his dream to leave Lysatra and travel the galaxy with a mythical Chiss warrior by his side. 

Ten year old Eli needed to be careful what he wished for. Now that Eli was nineteen, he had been provided with all sorts of information about why every childhood dream of his was a terrible idea. To start, most galactic soldiers didn’t do anywhere near as much gallivanting around the galaxy as Eli had been led to believe. If that was what Eli really wanted, he should have become a smuggler. Or a pirate. 

Not that his parents would have let him. They’d only agreed to send their son to the Imperial Academy because they thought he would become a supply officer, someone who could help their shipping company navigate Imperial contracts. And that totally would have happened, had the Chiss warrior of legend never entered the equation. From the minute Eli identified Thrawn for his species and spoke to him in Sy Bisti, every detail of Eli’s seemingly predictable life turned on its head. He’d seen Coruscant for the first time, stood within the Imperial Palace, and been in the presence of the  _ Emperor himself,  _ all in the span of a single day. 

Perhaps Eli would have welcomed the disruption had it been more temporary. Had he returned to Myomar after meeting the  _ ruler of the galaxy  _ and  _ a Chiss warrior of myth _ , he would have chalked it up to a cool story he could tell his peers. Instead, he had to finish his academy training on Coruscant, Core World snobbery and all. 

Eli was completely out of his depth here. The only fish further out of water at Royal Imperial was the alien cadet he was supposed to be interpreting for. The one he shared classes with. The one who slept across the room from him in a dusty cot sealed away at the end of the hall. The one who brought back all of the wrong memories from Eli’s teenage years.

_ “Why were you watching me sleep?” _

_ “You… didn’t have a shirt on.” _

_ “So?” _

_ Thirteen year old Eli blushed furiously. “Your boxers are loose… I could see your-” _

_ “Yeah, and? You have one too, Eli.” His friend shoved him away. “What’s your problem?” _

Thrawn properly clothed his lower half when he slept, but it wasn’t uncommon for the blanket not to cover his entire torso. His giant blue torso that was sculpted like a marble statue. And just like marble, Thrawn had a large white streak stretching from his collar bone to his abdomen. 

Having learned his lesson long ago, Eli did his best not to stare. Unfortunately, Thrawn didn’t understand the taboo against staring and engaged in the practice frequently, much to other people’s annoyance. Because Thrawn failed to see the problem with his “observations”, he didn’t take offense when he caught Eli doing the same thing. 

“You notice my old injuries?” Thrawn asked. 

Yes. Injuries. That is what Eli noticed. He went with that explanation. “How did you get them?”

“You remember the Jedi I spoke of before? Anakin Skywalker?”

Eli nodded. “I do.”

“We fought in battle together. I was shot with a blaster… over and over.” Thrawn blinked. “That is how you describe an action that occurs several times, correct? I have also heard an Imperial say ‘over and again’. I do not know which is proper.”

“Both are correct. ‘Over and over’ is more common.” Eli’s notes on Basic had become habitual after the first day or so. He made them before he’d fully taken it what Thrawn had said. “Wait, you were shot in the chest?  _ Repeatedly?” _

Thrawn nodded. “That is what I said.”

“And you survived?”

“So much is clear.”

Eli sputtered. “Wh… how?!”

Thrawn put a hand to the scar tissue, as if the tactile sensation would jog his memory. Eli did his best not to fixate on the way those long fingers traced over defined pecs, stopping just above unfairly visible abs. He wasn’t even flexing, dammit. “I was fortunate to possess armor that was well made. My survival is not well attributed to the abilities I contain.”

Eli sucked a breath in, pulling his eyes back to Thrawn’s face. “Well, whatever armor you had, you should have kept it around. Imperial armor can deflect some blaster shots, but not several to the chest. Especially not if the blast is at close range.”

Thrawn shook his head. “I have seen what officers of the Empire wear. Officer uniforms have no armor at all. It is… misfortunate. I will have to change my tactics to be an officer of the Empire.” Thrawn decided on his own that the conversation was over, turned out the lights, and settled into his cot for the night. The only light source left in the room was the dim glow of Thrawn’s eyes. “Good night, Cadet Vanto.”

Eli sat down on his own cot. He took a moment to recenter himself, then nodded to his roommate. “Good night.”

As he slept, dreams Eli hadn’t had since he was fourteen came creeping back into his subconscious. Dreams of the Chiss he’d fantasized about as a child had taken on a new dimension when Eli experienced puberty, for it was around the same time that Eli learned of his defect as a human being. The way he looked at and related to other boys was something alien to Lysatra, something no respectful human should ever be caught doing. And if Eli was forbidden from having teenage crushes on real human men, he reconciled himself by developing them on fictitious nonhuman men. Sure, xenophilia wasn’t allowed on Lysatra either, but that law only applied to real aliens that still roamed the galaxy. Eli was having wet dreams about fake aliens that only roamed the world of legends. So long as he never told anyone the real reason he’d gotten back into Lysatran mythology, he was fine.

Except no. He wasn’t fine. The Chiss weren’t just figments of his people’s imagination. They were real sentient beings, with real thoughts and  _ real _ bodies. It was wrong of Eli to use them as his fetish now. 

Besides, Thrawn was an individual, not just a member of his species. Eli shouldn’t objectify him like that. Out of respect to the only person who didn’t sneer at him at this starsforsaken academy, Eli could not let his perversions affect their relationship. 

He may not have wanted this transfer, but it wasn’t avoidable now. He had to make it through the next few months here whether he liked it or not, so it was best that Eli kept their relationship on good terms. Healthy terms. Once these months were done and Eli had his first assignment, he could go on his way and find a new outlet for his twisted thoughts.

So Eli did his best to hide his recurring fantasies. Thrawn didn’t seem to have extensive experience with humans. Perhaps Eli did have hope that he wouldn’t consider things like excessive blushing and abrupt insistences on a cold shower to be out of the ordinary. He never commented, at least.

Repressing his feelings didn’t make them go away, unfortunately. All it did was allow said feelings to pop up at inopportune times. Like that one night about two weeks in when Eli woke up flushed and sweaty and very,  _ very _ hard.

He felt disgusting, laying there in his soaked sheets. It’d been years since he woke up in such a state. What sort of immature teen was he? 

Eli tried to get up without waking Thrawn. He was almost out the door and on the way to the ‘fresher when he saw those red eyes pierce the darkness. Eli shifted so that he was facing away from Thrawn, then searched for what to say. “...Sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you up.”

Thrawn didn’t respond right away. “You are overheated. Are you suffering from illness?”

By his family’s definition? Yes. “No, it’s nothing. I just need to use the… wait. How did you know?”

“I can see your heat. My eyes see some of the… the…” Thrawn trailed off, switching to Sy Bisti for his last word. 

“Oh, the infrared spectrum.” Eli sat with the implications of that for a moment. “Yeah. I’m fine. I’ll be back soon.”

From that point onward, Eli became far more cautious with how he hid the reactions of his body. He could not let Thrawn know. He had to keep anyone from finding out at all costs.

After being so soundly rejected as a teenager, Eli had vowed never to act on his attractions to other men. He knew he would never be able to fake a relationship with a woman, nor did he feel comfortable with deceiving one in that way. The only solution, it seemed, was to never be with anyone. Eli had been careful enough at the academy on Myomar. By then, he was well practiced in keeping his mind off his human peers. It was the presence of Thrawn that was setting Eli on edge. Seeing his childhood crush (sort of) in the flesh, coupled with a sudden move to an unfamiliar environment, had caused Eli to regress into behaviors he’d thought he was past. 

He would be back to his controlled self soon enough. He just had to try harder.

Over the next few weeks, Eli gradually improved at managing his impulses. He knew what he needed to think about in moments of weakness (the half frozen lake in the back of school he was thrown into at fifteen) and returned to the memory as often as necessary. Whenever he imagined the cold water biting his skin, Eli felt his own temperature drop back to acceptable levels. By the time term was almost over, Eli was intimately familiar with what had to be one of the worst days of his life.

After feeling like the moment would never come, the last week of instruction was over. Assignments would be made public soon enough, and Eli was looking forward to graduation. Not so much the ceremony itself, but rather the return to normalcy that it would represent. Thrawn was an intriguing fellow for many reasons, more than what Eli had noticed initially. The episode in the metallurgy lab and its immediate aftermath had taught him that. 

He wasn’t just foreign and,  _ er _ , well-built. No, Thrawn was also a kriffing genius with extensive knowledge of warfare and a penchant for brilliant, if unusual solutions to complex problems. Somehow, he managed to remain a brilliant tactician while simultaneously never possessing the tact needed to navigate Imperial politics. Even as Thrawn’s command of Basic improved, his grasp on social norms rarely did. None of this made it any easier for Eli to keep himself in check. If anything, Thrawn’s quirks just made him more appealing.

Eli wished he could get away from him for the last weekend before graduation, but alas, he didn’t have enough money to do anything on Coruscant. What would have guaranteed him a decent night out on Myomar barely covered a taxi ride in the galactic capital. Eli heard the lower levels of Coruscant were less pricey, but also more dangerous. He didn’t want to be caught in a situation he wasn’t able to extricate himself from, much less on his own. All he could do was listen in envy as his wealthier classmates made their plans for a night on the town.

“...best stripclub on the level, you’ve gotta believe me. Their closing act, Scorpio? Greatest performance of the night. Yeah yeah, most Twi’leks are good strippers, but this guy stands out. And his partner, the  _ snake _ ? Hoo! I don’t know which I like better: his python or his anaconda.” Sam Charing gestured down for ‘anaconda’, causing Eli’s face to turn beet red. “I’m telling you, once his shift is over, I don’t care how much money it takes. I am riding that Scorpio until the break of dawn.”

“So you’re going to abandon us midway through the night, is what I’m hearing,” his friend, whose name escaped Eli, grumbled. “Fine, get your own cab back here. But if he’s like all those other dirty whores, don’t be surprised if you get robbed at the end of it.”

“Or diseased.” 

Sam shrugged off the final comment, his eyes catching Eli’s. He must have looked as disgusted as he felt, because Sam’s voice held a tone of challenge when he asked, “and what about you, Vanto? How are you celebrating graduation? Can you afford a stripper?”

“Why would you do that?” The words caught in Eli’s throat. His eyes shifted about the group of three men, looking for any sign they weren’t serious. “What is wrong with you?”

“I think the better question is what’s wrong with _ you _ , Vanto. What, are you too much of a Wild Space hick to fuck anything but your cattle? Do you faint at the sight of guys kissing? Or are you in one of those cults where you wait until marriage and the leader picks your bride?” He snickered. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, bugger boy, but this is Coruscant. This is a planet run by money, not prudes. I have the money. I fuck who I like. If I want to get it on with a Twi’lek male, I can do that. Oh, but don’t worry. Assignments come out soon. You can go back to the backwater soon enough.”

Eli stuttered, trying to cobble together a response. Sam didn’t wait around for one, however. By the time Eli had recovered his wits, he and his entourage had departed the premises, leaving Eli with the unfortunate mental image of a Twi’lek humping a giant snake on stage. The sight didn’t leave him no matter how many times he shook his head.

Disturbing as Sam’s libertinism was, he was right about one thing. Once assignments went out, Eli had no reason to think he’d ever return to Coruscant. His wish from the past three months would likely be granted. He would return to his destiny of becoming a supply officer in Wild Space, dreams from childhood dashed by the reality of the galaxy. If ever there was a night to take advantage of Eli’s current location, tonight was it.

He was probably going to spend it reading. The Royal Imperial library had a whole cache of the spice dramas Eli had liked to read as a kid. He’d checked out a trilogy last month in a fit of homesickness, shocking himself with just how much innuendo had gone over his head as a child. It hadn’t helped that he’d had zero interest in any of the femme fatales or wide eyed damsels introduced throughout the series. Back on his first read through, he’d assumed he was just too young for that part of the story. 

When Eli returned to his room for the evening, the room sat empty. He had no idea where Thrawn was and only mild interest in knowing. Maybe Thrawn had his own idea for how to celebrate, something that didn’t involve Eli. Fine with him, honestly,

Eli settled down onto his cot, sliding the second datacard of the series into his datapad. Oh, this was the holonovel that began with a cantina shootout! Eli remembered the scene, but he’d thought it came from the first holonovel. Eli got sucked into the action right away, childish sense of excitement returning to him in a heartbeat.

He got a good quarter of the way into the holonovel before being interrupted. Invested as Eli was, he didn’t hear the door to his room slide open. Thrawn had to tap him on the shoulder to catch his attention.

Eli started at the touch. “Wha… oh. Hey.” He put his datapad away, looking up to catch Thrawn in the eye. “Where have you been?”

“Bargaining,” Thrawn offered without elaboration. He held up a bottle of cheap Corellian cold beer in one hand, followed by two cups from the mess in the other. “I sought to acquire alcohol of a higher quality but was unwilling to part with essential items that the trade would require.”

Eli glanced around the room, trying to discern if anything was missing. Thrawn’s comments implied he hadn’t used money in the transaction, but Eli couldn’t figure out what else he might have traded away. “What’s the beer for?”

“Celebration.” Thrawn handed Eli one of the cups, set his own aside, then unscrewed the lid on the beer. “Celebrations include alcohol and company. I have supplied the alcohol.” 

And Eli would supply the company, or so it went. Well. He didn’t have any better celebrations to attend. Eli held his cup out to Thrawn, letting him fill it to the brim. “Thank you.”

Thrawn nodded. He set the bottle on Eli’s desk after he poured for himself. Careful not to spill any beer on the sheets, he sat next to Eli on his bed, their legs not quite close enough to touch. He raised his cup to Eli in a familiar gesture, and Eli returned the favor without much thought. “To your impending graduation from the academy, Cadet Vanto.”

“To yours as well, Lieutenant Thrawn.” Eli’s cup gently collided with Thrawn’s. After hearing the dulled clink, Eli brought the cup to his own lips and took a large swig of the cheapest, most bottom of the barrel beer he had ever tasted. Somehow, the beer was too watery and too bitter at the same time. It was all Eli could do not to spit it out.

Thrawn had elected to observe Eli before drinking for himself. He took a modest gulp in response, barely reacting to the taste. “I suspect you are more excited than I am. I have graduated from formal military instruction before.”

Right. Eli wasn’t sure what to say to that. He stared down the beer remaining in his cup, debating whether or not to finish it off. “First time was the best, then?”

“I embraced the ceremony for what it meant at the time, never once believing I would see another.” Thrawn let out a sigh. “I had no reason to believe otherwise back then. No matter now.”

“...Of course.” Thrawn never wanted to talk about his life before the Empire. Not in any detail, at least. “Well, I am looking forward to graduation. My parents are coming to see the ceremony. I wasn’t sure they’d be able to make it, just because Coruscant is so far out of their way, but they told me they’d be here.”

“You are important to them. They are the ones who encouraged you to pursue the supply track, correct?”

“Yeah, they did.” 

“Their wishes for you… you want the same, still?”

Eli hesitated, then nodded. This talk was oddly reminiscent of the conversation Eli and Thrawn had shared aboard the  _ Strikefast _ . Gazing into Thrawn’s eyes gave him flashbacks to that day. “I think I’m pretty good at supply work. It’s an important job and it suits me well. I’d be more at home in a supply station in Wild Space than I ever was with the people here.”

“You are familiar with Wild Space,” Thrawn agreed. Odd detail for him to latch onto, all things considered. “You don’t think anyone else from Royal Imperial will become a supply officer?”

“Huh?” How did Thrawn get that from Eli’s response?

“You implied that were you to become a supply officer, you would be unlikely to encounter anyone from Royal Imperial in your immediate line of work. I do not think you are the only cadet here who would be suited to work on a supply station, and the Empire is likely to assign new officers to posts in need of personnel. You do not possess enough information about supply station personnel vacancies to eliminate possible assignments based on their regions of space.”

“You’ve seen the attitude of the cadets here. Encountered it personally, even.” Eli shifted back and forth as he remembered that night. “Most the cadets here think they’re destined for command posts no further away than the Inner Rim.”

“I recall. Few such cadets would be well suited to the command posts they desire, nor are posts in such locations likely to be the focus of the Empire in the coming years. Now that Clone War aftermath matters are reaching their resolution, an Empire of true power will wish to expand beyond the Republic’s former boundaries. Increased military power -and personnel- in the Outer Rim and beyond is a necessary condition for expansion. The future of the Empire lies there, not here.”

“I suppose.” Eli was familiar with this argument. Thrawn had presented the same one in his Imperial History course. Before the instructor banned him from speaking, of course. 

“Therefore, no cadet should be surprised or ashamed to receive an assignment to outer regions of the galaxy.” Thrawn held his breath as he finished his cup of beer, setting it on the desk without a refill. “I suspect some individuals are in for a surprise when assignments go out.”

Eli hid a smile at that. “I sure hope so. It would serve them right.” Following Thrawn’s lead, Eli finished his beer off without smelling it. It was moderately bearable that way. 

He tossed his cup to the side when it was empty. It landed, stuck, between his cot and the wall. “Where did you get that beer?”

“I spoke with some of the academy staff. They may have cheated me,” Thrawn admitted that last part reluctantly. “I apologize for not securing better alcohol for our celebration.”

“That’s okay. I’m grateful you thought of me,” Eli reassured. “I fully intended to read in here all evening until you walked in.”

Thrawn shook his head. “That is insufficient activity for celebration. You have made my instruction possible, Cadet Vanto. You have shown me more help and loyalty than I had any reason to expect. More importantly, you will make a worthy officer capable of great things. You deserve celebration for your deeds.”

Eli couldn’t help but blush. Listening to Thrawn praise him, staring into those bright, earnest eyes… it broke his carefully maintained cool to bits. Eli felt tendrils of warmth surging through his abdomen. “Thank you.”

“For all the help you have given me, I want to help you with something as well. Something that I know causes you pain.”

Huh? Now Eli was confused. “What do you mean?”

Thrawn paused, considering how best to approach the subject. “When a warrior frequently suffers from exhaustion midway through his task, he should not consider his body or its exhaustion his enemy, but seek out the cause of his insufficient strength for the task at hand, or perhaps locate a misallocation of energy. Do you agree, Cadet Vanto?”

“I… do.” Why the hypothetical? What was Thrawn getting at, here? “What are you saying?”

“And when one suffers from thirst because his society placed a prohibition on him drinking liquid. We do not blame the individual for being thirsty but his society for banning the fulfillment of his basic needs. Is that correct?”

“Yeah. Why would a society prevent a guy from drinking water, though? That’s ridiculous.”

“Perhaps they do not target that specific evolutionary need, but restrict others. I use drink as an example because it was on my mind. Either way, it is not the biology of the individual at fault, but the conditions in place that ensure the individual’s needs are denied. These restrictions do not have to be formal rules. They may also be social constructs that he carries with him everywhere he goes, regardless of legal jurisdiction.”

Eli didn’t care if he was starting to piece it together. He would continue to deny Thrawn’s line of questioning for as long as it followed the path it did. “What are you saying?”

“Coruscant has no statute against homosexual intercourse. Nor do they have one regulating copulation between members of separate species.” Thrawn leaned in closer to Eli, placing a cool hand on Eli’s shoulder. His face was kind, but his intentions were anything but.

Eli turned from pink to red. He shrugged Thrawn’s hand off. “There are fraternization rules in the military.”

“Fraternization rules that do not cover the situation of a lieutenant and cadet finished with academy instruction and between assignments. Cadet Vanto…” Thrawn closed his eyes and switched gears. “Eli. It is not your desires that bring you pain. Rather, it is your repression of them. The only person here who is offended by what you feel is yourself.” Thrawn leaned in again, an earnest smile on his face. “I find your attention flattering. In Chiss society, I was considered desirable indeed. Here, I am deemed more unusual than appealing. Individuals I would otherwise consider the propositions of are too closely affiliated with our attackers from the metallurgy lab and beyond. I suspect they desire my humiliation more than they do satisfaction.”

There was so much to unpack in Thrawn’s words. Eli wasn’t sure where to start. All he knew was that Thrawn’s smile (his real smile, not a victory smirk) took his breath away. If he wanted to speak, he couldn’t be looking at it. So he closed his eyes. “You knew this whole time?”

“I did.”

“Why didn’t you say anything before?”

“I didn’t want to embarrass you. It was obvious you would rather suffer than act on your impulses. I wanted to approach the situation in a way that would not increase your pain.” Thrawn held up the half-empty bottle of beer, a regretful cast to his face. “Perhaps if I had brought something stronger, this conversation would flow better.”

Eli shrank back at that statement. His stomach turned. Whether it was from the words or the beer, he wasn’t sure. “So you wanted to get me drunk. Then what?”

“I wanted to convince you that you had nothing to fear from your own body. During our time on Coruscant, you have illuminated for me the many ways in which Core World society is flawed. Their prejudices prevent them from properly utilizing the talent other regions have to offer the Empire.” Thrawn paused, waiting for Eli to make eye contact with him again. “Prejudice is not a trait exclusive to Core Worlds. Chiss society is not without flaws of its own. Similarly, your home world of Lysatra is not exempt either. The prohibition on homosexual and interspecial unions exists in Lysatran culture without a rational base. One can honor their native culture without subscribing to its irrational components.”

Thrawn laid a hand on Eli’s shoulder for the second time. This time, it was like the brush of his hand dislodged a giant weight, leaving Eli free to breathe for the first time in years. He sighed deeply, the cool touch of Thrawn’s fingers a pleasant counterbalance to the anxious heat rising out of Eli’s stomach. “I’ve never been free to love anybody. Any time I tried I was punished.”

Thrawn hummed in acknowledgement, judgement absent from his eyes. “No punishments here.”

Eli shuddered, leaning into the comforting cool of Thrawn’s embrace. His ear rested against Thrawn’s heart, the soothing rhythm a contrast to Eli’s frenzy. “I’m too old to have never kissed a person. I feel like I missed my chance to learn about sex and I’m scared to start now.”

Thrawn’s arm folded across the small of Eli’s back, pulling him in close. Thrawn bent down to whisper into Eli’s other ear. “There is no such thing as being too old to learn, Eli. You are brave and clever and will make a fine warrior yet. When a brave warrior faces a challenge of which he is frightened, he may find that the threat loomed larger in his mind.”

Encased in Thrawn’s touch, Eli thought he’d remember the cold lake again. But the more contact he had with Thrawn’s cool skin, the warmer he felt in response. Not just a surge of excitement, but a gradual warmth as well. Never before would Eli have thought Thrawn could be genuinely comforting. At that moment, only one major anxiety remained. “I don’t know how to start.”

Thrawn pulled back. He lifted Eli’s head gently away from his chest, fingers collecting under his chin such that their eyes would meet. “May I?”

Breathless, Eli nodded. He would have said something, but Thrawn needed no further affirmation. He kept his grip on Eli’s chin until their lips met, then dropped his hand to Eli’s collar. Thrawn pushed gently on Eli’s lips, leading by example for Eli to respond in kind. Once Eli was returning the kiss in earnest, Thrawn increased the pressure on Eli’s lips. Traces of hunger and eagerness slipped into the kiss as he coaxed Eli’s mouth open. The taste of awful beer still lingered, but wasn’t enough to overpower the delightful sensation of Thrawn’s tongue wrestling Eli’s into submission.

Maybe Eli had been right to wait so long. This had to be better than most people’s first kiss. He let Thrawn push him onto his back, his head falling just below the pillow. As Thrawn shifted to better fit his legs on the bed, he left space beneath him for Eli to do the same. Soon Eli was pinned to the mattress beneath Thrawn, breathing heavily as his uniform trapped his body heat against his skin. Thrawn’s touch was still cool, but temperatures were rising fast. 

Thrawn leaned back down to catch Eli’s lips, pushing inside without hesitation. Eli welcomed him immediately, eyes fluttering shut. All the fear and shame he’d felt leading up to this moment seemed so far away now, held at bay by Thrawn’s protective guard. 

For now, he just wanted to match Thrawn’s energy. Every bit more he got into the kiss, Thrawn increased the pace. When Eli wrapped his arms around Thrawn’s neck, Thrawn bent at the knee slightly so he could move his hips against Eli’s. His first grind was slow, so slow Eli barely noticed it. When he didn’t react offensively, Thrawn kept going until he had a consistent momentum. Much as Eli loved the friction, his clothes were proving a frustrating barrier. He wanted them off.

Eli broke away from Thrawn mid-kiss and gasped, “please let me up.”

Thrawn sat up right away. He was almost as warm as Eli now. “Is something wrong?”

“My clothes… I’m really hot.” Eli pulled his legs out from under Thrawn, returning to a seated position. “I need to get them off.”

Thrawn nodded. “Of course. Would you like me to help you?”

The question caught Eli off guard. “Uh… no?”

“Very well.” Thrawn began working on his own tunic, long fingers exposing more and more blue skin. Eli watched him, distracted, before remembering his own task.

He’d made the wrong choice. Mere seconds after being separated from Thrawn’s touch, Eli already missed it. Eli’s fingers tripped over the buttons on his uniform, his struggle due to excitement and nerves in equal measure.

He was doing this. He was really going to do this. His fourteen year old self would be so proud.

Once he managed to shrug the tunic off, Eli chanced a glance over at Thrawn. His undershirt was already folded off to the side, leaving bare that beautiful chest that had captivated Eli all those months ago. His attackers from the academy hadn’t left any permanent marks, but some old scars still remained. Old battle scars… from the Clone Wars’ time.

Speaking of old… just how old was Thrawn, Eli wondered. The absence of wrinkles and gray hairs made Eli doubt Thrawn was that much older than him, but he seemed ancient when he discussed his experience. Eli wasn’t about to sleep with a man his father’s age, was he?

Eli felt the question stick in his throat as he pulled off his own undershirt. “...Hey, Thrawn?”

Thrawn’s eyes roved over Eli’s bare chest at first, eyes glittering. His expression softened when he met Eli’s gaze. “Yes?”

“How old are you?”

Thrawn blinked, puzzled. “How old do you think I am?”

“Well, obviously you’re older than me… older than nineteen, I mean. I just want to know how much older before we, um, do anything. Do anything else, that is.”

“I see.” Thrawn hesitated, eyes flickering as he made mental calculations. He continued to discard his shoes as he worked. “I do have an advantage in age over you, but not as much as you might think. Now, Chiss years are not the same as your standard, nor are our lifespans or indicators of maturity. As I understand it, you are just past the age marking entry to adulthood. Is that correct, Eli?”

Eli nodded. He’d stopped stripping entirely as he waited for Thrawn’s answer. 

“Right. If I convert the units of age I am accustomed with into Coruscant standard years, then I am about…” Thrawn sighed, closing his eyes briefly as he did the math. “Twenty-seven. Or twenty-eight. I may be twenty-eight just so. Does that concern you?”

Twenty-seven, huh? That wasn’t so bad. No way Thrawn was old enough to be his father… not that it was otherwise possible. Obviously. Eli shook his head. “No, that doesn’t bother me.”

“Good.” Thrawn was pulling off his socks now. He stared openly at Eli’s chest, hints of a smile forming on his lips as his gaze panned down. “Finish up, now.”

Those words of encouragement were all he needed. The rest of Eli’s clothes came off in a flash, all landing in a pile off the side of his bed. To his embarrassment, he was still half hard from their earlier activities. And then Eli got a look at Thrawn’s body, and all concern about his own got pushed to the wayside.

That man was _ beautiful _ . In his shame, Eli had done his best to avoid imagining what Thrawn looked like below the belt. Sometimes he’d even tried to dissuade himself by speculating that Thrawn didn’t have a penis and balls but eight writhing tentacles that varied in length. To his delight, the tentacle theory could not be more off base.

Thrawn’s member was approximately the same shape as a human male’s, just slightly wider and not-so-slightly longer. Also, blue. Perhaps purple when hard, but Eli had yet to see that.

Eli tried to snap himself out of it. He told himself off for staring, then justified it by pointing out how Thrawn  _ clearly  _ didn’t mind. Thrawn was just standing there, patiently modeling himself for Eli’s benefit. Then his embarrassed side came up with a new argument: he was wasting time staring when he could be doing so much more. Like touching, maybe. Grinding, even. Honest to stars fucking, perhaps. His mouth watered imagining the possibilities.

Eli took a step and a half forward, then hesitated. He still had no idea what to do. Everything he knew about sex with men he’d gained from porn snippets and his imagination. His understanding of how to apply that knowledge was virtually nonexistent.

Lucky for him, Thrawn understood this. “You are interested in continuing?”

“Yeah…”

“Do you want anything in particular?” Thrawn asked patiently, sitting back down on Eli’s bed.

The idea popped into Eli’s head and out of his mouth before he had time to consider it. “Can I… touch you? Everywhere? I’ve never touched another man before, and you’re… you’re amazing.”

Thrawn exhaled, amused. “You may. Please use your hands for now. I will tell you if I do not appreciate anything you are doing.”

Stopping in front of a seated Thrawn, Eli let his first shaking hand make contact with Thrawn’s collar and trace the scar tissue from when Thrawn had been shot with a blaster. His fingers traced the area lightly at first, then pressed on the muscles rippling just under the skin. They’d faded a bit over the course of Thrawn’s time at Royal Imperial, but Eli could still find them without much searching. His other hand began on Thrawn’s right shoulder, shifting up to Thrawn’s neck. He spent a brief moment tracing over Thrawn’s Adam's apple before sifting through his silky black hair. The pleasure Eli took from this exercise wasn’t entirely sexual, but he still appreciated the warmish skin beneath his fingers. Thrawn’s eyes followed the path of Eli’s hands, never showing any signs of concern. 

After some skirting around to Thrawn’s back (just as scarred, just as muscular), Eli worked up the confidence to touch the parts he was most interestested in. No matter how much permission he had, his fear that Thrawn was going to slap his hand away hovered just beneath the surface. Eli’s own cock ached for more contact, but he couldn’t find the courage to do anything about it right now. One move at a time.

He laid two fingertips on the middle of Thrawn’s shaft, shocked by how smooth the skin was down there. It wasn’t the case that Thrawn shaved anywhere, it seemed. Rather, he just had hair in fewer places that a human would. Thrawn was also noticeably warmer in that spot, but that wasn’t a surprise. Eli traced his fingers up the length, finding the foreskin with ease. No circumcision for Chiss, it seemed.

Now that he’d gone several seconds without reprisal, Eli got a little braver. Two fingers increased to five as Eli wrapped his hand around Thrawn’s length, sinking to one knee as he did so. The gesture itself wasn’t unfamiliar to Eli, but the act of doing it to another person was. He assumed the principles had to be the same. Why would they be different?

“Hm,” Thrawn hummed as the pressure increased. The sound was barely audible, but it affected Eli regardless.

“This is okay?”

“It is fine. I have gone a long time without the touch of another,” Thrawn explained, his eyes fixed on Eli’s as he worked. “First it was exile on my lonesome. There was no one around with which I could potentially have relations. Then it was a matter of trust… hmm.” That hum was a tad louder. Thrawn was coming alive in Eli’s hands, if slower than Eli normally did. Arousal loosened his lips, apparently. Eli barely listened to what Thrawn was saying by this point. “Anyone who claims trysts are a matter of mutual attraction is correct, of course, yet equally important is the matter of trust. Perhaps some are comfortable with exposing themselves to the first sentient being who shows them interest, but I suspect it would be reckless of me to do the same. You have proven yourself to be a trustworthy companion, Eli. You have shown me regard even when it was not directly beneficial to you. Therefore, it falls to me to make your loyalty a mutual benefit, not a one-sided boon.”

At that, he waved Eli’s hand off. Eli complied, an inexplicable sense of loss washing over him as he pulled away. He didn’t know why that had been enjoyable for him, but it had. He stood up to his full height, which was only just taller than a seated Thrawn. “What is it?”

“I would like to resume our earlier activities, if that is acceptable.” Thrawn moved over so Eli could climb back up onto his bed. “Lie down on your back once more. Make sure you’re comfortable.”

That last command was delivered as a whisper. The idea of being under Thrawn again sent a wave of heat over Eli’s now-bare skin, leaving goosebumps in its wake. What else could he do besides obey?

This time when he laid down on his bed, Eli’s head rested fully on the pillow. He sucked in a breath as Thrawn got into position above him, half-hard cock almost touching his. He reached out to touch it again, but Thrawn intercepted him, catching his wrist and pinning it down onto the mattress. He held it there for a second, then let Eli off with a reminder. “My turn to touch. You understand?”

Oh, that smile was back. Eli nodded absently. “Yeah…”

“Bun vn'ini.”

Before Eli could ask, Thrawn caught his lips in another breathtaking kiss. This time was the most demanding yet, and it took all of Eli’s focus and energy to keep pace. When Thrawn’s knees slid into place on either side of Eli, he moaned in anticipation. Even if he’d wanted to form words, Eli wouldn’t have been able to. The bundle of sensations was too much.

When the grinding restarted in earnest, Thrawn moved on from Eli’s lips to the side of his neck. Considering how much larger he was than Eli, this was not the easiest thing to do. He pecked at the spots Eli’s uniform wouldn’t cover and bit into the places that it would, careful not to harm or spook his young companion. Eli mewled with delight, louder now that there was nothing covering his mouth.

He knew Thrawn had told him not to touch, but Eli couldn’t resist it any longer. He ran his hands over the Thrawn’s sides, grasping at his hips as Eli tried to reciprocate Thrawn’s movements. His grinding wasn’t as consistent as Thrawn’s, but Thrawn hummed in satisfaction nonetheless. “Good… that’s very good, Eli.”

“Huhhh…” Eli couldn’t think of a response. He couldn’t think of anything at that moment. Only how good it felt when Thrawn moved his body against his.

“You see how good it feels when you don’t ignore your own needs? Whenever you feel ashamed again, I want you to remember the way you feel right now.” Thrawn’s breath was hot against his ear. He had to slow down to speak clearly, and Eli whined at the disruption. “Will you remember this, Eli?”

“Yes… yes I will.” Even when Eli was on his first assignment, somewhere far away from Thrawn. A quiet supply station, most likely. He was going to remember this night vividly well.

“Bun vn’ini.”

What did that even mean? Eli would have wondered had he not lost all capacity for thought immediately after. Thrawn resumed his earlier pace, this time with a hand snaking down Eli’s chest and past his stomach to wrap around Eli’s swollen cock. Every time he pumped, Eli lost his sight. All he could see were two red giants in the foreground and millions of tiny stars in the distance.

One pump… two pump… and it was over. Eli felt all the pressure that had built up over the past few months escape him. He emptied into Thrawn’s hand, small bits spraying out onto Thrawn’s lower torso. Through the blurry haze that was Eli’s vision, it looked like Thrawn had developed new scars.

Eli landed forcefully back against his pillow, breathing heavily. Thrawn extricated himself from his place atop Eli in one fluid motion. A sudden clang took to the air midway through the act.

“What was that?” Eli groaned, turning on his side towards the wall. 

Thrawn wiped himself off with his shower towel, then ducked under the cot to investigate, pulling Eli’s empty beer cup out by way of explanation. “It would seem our activity removed the cup from its place between the wall and your bed frame.”

“Oh.” Eli had forgotten about that. “It was back there the whole time?”

“So it would seem.” Thrawn set the cup down beside his own. “I don’t suppose either one of us is going to drink the rest of this beer. I will dispose of it soon.”

Wait… something was missing here. It took an embarrassingly long second for Eli to put his finger on what, but once he did, he turned around to check. “Thrawn… wait. You’re still hard.”   


“Indeed.” 

“Well, that’s not how sex works, right? You’re supposed to come too.”

Thrawn shook his head. “Tonight was for your benefit.”

“What about mutual… um,” Eli stumbled over the word. What had Thrawn called it earlier? “Mutual benefits? What happened to that?”

“It is as I said. You provided me a vital service at Royal Imperial, one I will make use of quite often in the future. In return, I sought to bring you peace with your nature. The benefit is already mutual.” Thrawn glanced down at his own boner with a nearly convincing look of disinterest. “I will handle this.”

Eli struggled into a seated position. After an orgasm like that, it was hard to move any part of his body. “What if I want to do it? I want to know how to please a guy. Not just what it feels like to… be pleased.”

“Do you now?”

“...Yeah.” Eli hadn’t thought about it at all before tonight, but it was true. Besides, he’d liked bending down before Thrawn. Something about kneeling down in front of a big, powerful man felt… nice, somehow. Nice, and so, so right.

“Very well. Come here.” Thrawn sat on the edge of his own cot this time, dark purple cock glistening in the light. “You may use your hands or your mouth for this. You seemed more comfortable with your hands earlier, so we will continue from there.”

“What?” Eli legs had turned to jelly sometime in the past few minutes. It took him a moment to remember how walking worked. “No, the hands thing was your rule. I… I could suck your cock? You would let me?”

“Is that something you want to do, Eli?” Thrawn asked. Eli blushed at the question, so Thrawn rushed to add. “It is perfectly acceptable if you do. I simply don’t want to pressure you into anything beyond your comfort.”

Eli’s first instinct was to repress the thought, but under Thrawn’s guidance, he let himself lean into the idea. Decide for himself what actually sounded appealing to him. And the more he thought about it… “I want to do it.”

Thrawn grinned. “Then I will instruct you. It won’t take long, Eli. I am already close, as you can see. Now,” he gestured for Eli to move closer. Eli inched forward until he was just in front of Thrawn’s spread legs. “On your knees.”

He’d said it as gently as possible, but Eli couldn’t help but shudder. His legs obeyed on their own accord, knees folding to the ground so that Eli was right where he needed to be.

“Good. Now start with the tip. Gently now.”

Eli used his hands to move the shaft, bringing the tip closer to his lips so that he could comply with Thrawn’s instructions. He put his tongue on the slit and pulled away on instinct from the taste. “Why are you sour?”

Thrawn blinked, expression unreadable. He put one still-sticky hand up to his mouth, then lowered it. “Why are you salty?”

“Um… sorry. Dumb question.” It must be a difference in chemical makeup. Eli’s ears burned. He wished he hadn’t reacted the way he did.

“If that deters you, you may always quit. Or switch to your hands. I will not hold either against you.”

“No, I can do it.” Eli tried again. Now that he was prepared, he realized the sour taste wasn’t overwhelming. He worked his way around the tip, trying to determine what Thrawn found enjoyable.

“No teeth.” Thrawn ordered, a bit sharper than before. “Not there. Simply get used to the feeling of having a penis in your mouth before you go any deeper. If you take too much too fast, you will gag.”

Thrawn continued to issue instructions, his tone a mix of the gentleness he’d used in the bedroom and the exactitude he used for everything else. Eli did his best to follow along, eager to make someone else come for the first time.

He probably wasn’t doing that good of a job, but Thrawn was close already. Eli still felt like they were just getting started when Thrawn pulled out of Eli’s mouth. A stream of sour, strangely musky cum landed everywhere from Eli’s mouth to his cheeks and chin and even a bit on his ear. Eli’s eyes had thankfully been closed when this occurred. 

“What was that for?” Eli asked, wiping bits of cum off the side of his face.

“I didn’t expect you would want to swallow it. I have no desire to see you choke either.” Thrawn reached over for his towel, handing it down to Eli. “Thank you for helping me finish.”

“Thank you for tonight,” Eli replied. He was careful to wipe with the end of the towel opposite of the one Thrawn had used earlier. “I don’t know what else to say.”

“I do. Remember that you are greater than you know, and that your future holds far more than that for which you have been taught to settle.” Thrawn helped Eli onto his feet when he was done wiping, a soft but bright glow in his eyes. Eli lost himself in it, handing the towel back only after being prompted. “Good night, Cadet Vanto. Congratulations.”

**Author's Note:**

> In case the multitude of little references was not enough to clue you in (or if you aren't familiar with the works in question), draculard inspired me to write this fic. I adore his Thranto works and wanted to attempt one of my own. I will admit, this fic kinda got out of hand underneath me. I had no expectations of it running or taking this long.
> 
> This is only my second time writing about Eli as a present character, but I do adore him. I write more Thraro, but I like both ships, whether romantic or platonic. I do have one other idea for these two, but it's G/T-rated. And longer.
> 
> Either way, I hope you all enjoy this. Baby Gay Eli is precious, and I loved writing about it. Thanks for tuning in!


End file.
